


Not in This Life

by Missy_dee811



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Secret Wars Battleworlds
Genre: Background Relationships, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Civil War (Marvel), Denial of Feelings, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jealous Steve, M/M, Minor Canonical Character(s), Mutual Pining, Secret Wars (2015), Shapeshifting, Skrull(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25586677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy_dee811/pseuds/Missy_dee811
Summary: There was much that would be left unsaid. In another time, in another place… Perhaps, it could’ve been different.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark/Jennifer Walters
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19
Collections: Team Angst, The SteveTony Games





	Not in This Life

**Author's Note:**

> Dialogue largely taken from Secret Wars: Civil War #1-5 (2015).

“Why are you doing this Steve?”

Peter stood off to the side and just behind Steve. He was worried, and he thought Steve should be too. Miriam Sharpe herself had called, and had asked Steve to meet here, on the anniversary. Peter hadn’t been so sure Steve would accept, but surprisingly, he did. It was hard to get a read on him.

“I have to try, Peter,” said Steve.

He sounded exasperated. He’d asked himself the same thing, over and over. _Why am I doing this?_ He had to believe. He had to hope. Despite all that had happened, and all that had changed, some things had stayed the same. He still believed in Tony, still envied him.

They didn’t see eye-to-eye, of course, but Tony had taken control, had brought order to the chaos. It was admirable. The people in The Iron looked to him for leadership, for guidance. There was a semblance of normalcy, and that mattered to people.

It mattered to Steve.

Peter continued. “You sure? Because it seems like we have a perfectly viable Plan B. And the idea of making nice with that guy…”

Steve cut him off.

“If these talks fail, I’ll go back to that, but I don’t want them to fail. It’s not about Tony Stark. I know what he’s done to you, and I know what peace could mean for you, but it’s not about him. Or you, or me. It’s about everyone but us.”

Jennifer was walking behind Tony. He shouldn’t have been surprised to see her, as she often accompanied Tony to meetings such as this. Steve had come with his own back-up, after all, and Peter was armed. If things got out of hand, they’d have someone to defend them. Of course, in Tony’s case, Jennifer was more than just back-up.

Jennifer pulled him into a searing kiss. Steve wanted to look away.

Jennifer was a beautiful woman. She was an accomplished lawyer, and Tony was always drawn to accomplished women. Steve couldn’t resent him for that. He had also dated accomplished women. And yet, he was bothered.

Public displays of affection made him uncomfortable, that much was true. But he wasn’t bothered by the kiss, he was bothered by Tony. Voicing his…concern would only raise brows. There was no need for that here, no need for that now.

They were here on business.

Jennifer transformed. She was taller than Steve remembered. She towered over Tony and would tower over him. He couldn’t help but analyze the way Tony was looking at her. _Fondly_. As if he loved her, and maybe, he did. That realization stirred up more…concern.

 _Later_. He would deal with those thoughts later.

She adjusted his tie. It was such an intimate gesture. Steve had seen plenty of women drape themselves across his shoulders. It shouldn’t have bothered him. And yet, it did.

Perhaps, it was the intimacy. They made it seem so easy. These things were never easy for him. He struggled to find the right words. He struggled to find the time. He hadn’t dated in years; couldn’t remember the last time he had been intimate with a woman…or anyone else. And here were Tony and Jennifer, seemingly without a care in the world, flirting.

Perhaps, he was just frustrated.

He was thankful Peter didn’t say anything. He couldn’t be sure his senses hadn’t caught on.

“Hello Steve,” said Tony, cool as a cucumber.

Steve had spent years listening to Tony speak during press conferences. He had a knack for it. It made him a great businessman. Not only could he sell you on an idea, but he’d pitch it to you in a way that would appeal to you, and _you_ , specifically. Even though he’d center himself, he made it seem as if he were doing you a favor.

At best, he was charismatic. At worst, he was manipulative.

Steve had known him long enough to have seen him at his best and at his worst. He was aiming for charismatic today. He had worn a suit that looked great on him. Had kept the sunglasses tucked away, or maybe, he had left them in the helicopter. It was an overcast day.

“Tony,” said Steve, cautiously.

Peter was on edge, as was Steve, though for a different reason.

Miriam thanked them both for accepting her invitation, and then, hugged Jennifer. The two women hadn’t seen each other in a long time. The war had kept them apart. It had kept everyone apart. This was once one nation.

Tony made a peace offering, but Peter wasn’t receptive.

“Easy Parker,” said Steve.

“Come on, now. You know this isn’t how I want it to be,” said Tony. He reached for Peter. “A gesture of good faith…”

Peter and Mary Jane locked eyes for the first time in many years. There was a young girl next to her, with long brown hair. Steve didn’t want to speculate, but he knew who she was.

“Go. For the length of the talks, no matter how they turn out. Be together,” said Tony, standing close.

Tony assured him it wasn’t a trick, that he wouldn’t be arrested. Steve told him to go, to enjoy his time with her and their daughter.

The conversation was fraught from the beginning. Miriam had closed the door, and the conversation had gone out the window. Tony was still reminiscing on their time as Avengers, but Steve was done living in the past.

“Do you even want this war to end, Steve?”

Tony was frustrated. The Iron needed land. He had been hoping to secure more land in exchange for giving The Blue much-needed resources. Steve wouldn’t budge. The people of The Blue wouldn’t accept an influx of people from The Iron.

“I don’t think so. After all, what happens to a soldier after the war ends?”

“You have no idea what motivates me,” said Steve, raising his voice.

“You’re a General, Steve, and Generals justify their existence through war.”

“I’m not the one who named a country after myself, Iron Man,” gritted Steve.

A bullet hit Miriam squarely in the chest, nothing else mattered.

Tony held her as she bled in his arms. There was nothing they could do for her now. For a moment, Steve wondered how many people had bled in his arms. He had imagined a different future when he first arrived in this time, but that was all before. All before the war.

Peter located the gun, about two miles away. The shooter was long gone, but they both knew. Only one person could’ve made that shot. And he wasn’t aiming for her, he was aiming for Steve and missed.

“Goodbye Tony,” said Steve. “The next time I speak to you will be to accept your surrender.”

Steve made his way to the door.

“Steve, I had nothing to do with it,” pleaded Tony.

“Does it matter?”

“Stark tried to assassinate you, and now he’s pushing at our borders? We have a responsibility to the people of The Blue to act!”

Normally, Peter didn’t raise his voice. Steve would’ve reprimanded him, but there were greater concerns.

“We don’t know who was responsible for the attack at The Divide, not for sure,” said Steve.

Blaming Tony was simple. He understood why Peter was willing to believe it had been him. For as much as he wanted to blame Tony, he knew he couldn’t. Tony wouldn’t plot to kill him. If Tony ever were to kill him, he’d do it himself. Peter wouldn’t be swayed, so Steve said nothing.

“And Stark sent one drone, Parker. It’s not exactly the invasion of Normandy.”

Miriam’s death weighed on Steve’s conscience. Six years and countless lives lost.

“You’re rattled,” said Steve.

“No, I am a very calm cucumber,” said Peter.

_“I didn’t authorize an assassination attempt on General Rogers,” said Tony. For as much as Steve hated him, Tony could never bring himself to… He didn’t even want to consider it. It had been a long time since they had seen eye-to-eye, but he still considered Steve a good friend. He had fond memories of their years as Avengers. He had fond memories of the early days in the mansion._

_His most treasured memory was the day they found him in the ice._

_Tony would never bring himself to hurt Steve; he would never want to tarnish those memories. Their future was uncertain, but their past was clear. And thought he’d never tell a living soul, he had loved Steve for much of his adult life, and a war couldn’t change that._

_It hadn’t changed that._

_“And I highly doubt Steve would’ve green-lit a hit on himself,” he added._

_Tony had spent much of the evening reviewing data._ I should’ve done this a long time ago, who knows how much time and energy we could’ve saved. How many lives? _He showed Jennifer what he had found. Statistical anomalies._

_“What am I supposed to be seeing here, Tony?”_

_“Everything in red,” he said, pointing at the screen. “All but impossible.”_

_She looked at him incredulously._

_“But that means…”_

_“Right, we’re being played,” said Tony._

_Tony and Jennifer were lying in bed together. She was sitting against the headboard, covering herself with the sheet. She had offered to infiltrate The Blue. They needed answers. This was the closest they’d ever been to the truth, but they needed evidence. They needed to know for sure. Tony had his suspicions, but he wasn’t willing to share them. Not just yet._

_They had been so busy fighting each other, no one had stopped to think why the fight raged on._

_“If I’m right about this,” said Tony. “Our whole existence… Everything we think is true… It’s all wrong. One lie after another.”_

_“I get that,” said Jennifer. “What I can’t understand though is why.”_

_Jennifer had disguised herself before infiltrating The Blue. She found the shooter: Bullseye, but someone else had recognized her. Someone else had seen her walking down the street._

_Speedball._

_He ambushed her, just as she was about to confront Bullseye for murdering her friend. He went by Officer Baldwin now, and worked with the Punishers. There were only two laws in The Blue: hurt no one and help when you can, and they were enforced by the Punishers._

_She woke up before a man she hadn’t seen, a man she knew to be dead._

_T’Challa stood before her._

_“No, I don’t believe it. You died at The Divide six years ago,” said Jennifer._

_“Correct. T’Challa is dead, and yet, I am here. Believe whatever you want, Jennifer. It won’t change the truth.”_

Steve had wondered how things would’ve changed if he had been alive to see the end of the War. He would’ve tried to find another way. Often, he wondered why others didn’t. Now he knew, it wasn’t that simple. The Blue was quickly running out of resources. In six months, there would be no fuel, and in eight months, there would be no food.

Steve had judged others for their failure to act, their failure to enact change.

He asked for his shield, and Peter gave it to him.

_Tony went searching for Jennifer, leaving James Barnes in charge._

_Jennifer was trying to understand what had happened._

_“For God’s sake… Why did you have Miriam Sharpe killed?”_

_She was banging on the glass separating her from T’Challa. She needed to know. Their lives had been flipped upside-down on that day. She needed to know why. She needed to make sense of it all. The chaos, the pain._

_“For my people, Jennifer. I destroyed the Negative Zone prison. I engineered the division. Every time The Blue and The Iron seemed like they might find peace, I intervened. I stepped in to make sure the Great War continued.”_

_Jennifer listened, transfixed. It was too horrible to contemplate._

_“Wakanda is gone, T’Challa. And nothing will bring it back!”_

_“Oh, Jennifer.” He laughed._ There was much she didn’t understand, but she would. She would, soon.

_“You are not the one I want,” he said. “No matter, he will be here soon. I know it.”_

Steve stood before his troops. The bridge Miriam Sharpe had built was a metaphor. It was a path to peace. And now, she was dead, and the bridge was empty. Even those who believed in her cause, deserted. They abandoned the bridge, and by doing so, all hope.

With the press of a button, the bridge was no more.

“Our children must know peace as something other than a fairy tale. This war, it ends today,” said Steve.

_Tony had been captured and brought before T’Challa. Jennifer tried to warn him._

_“He’s been playing you and Steve against each other, Tony,” she said._

Of course, that much was obvious.

_“What a dangerous game,” said Tony. “Why would do that?”_

_T’Challa explained, Steve and Tony were already fighting over the Superhero Registration Act. “I could no longer make war, but I could use one,” he said._

_“You’re not T’Challa. You see, T’Challa was one of the smartest men I’ve ever met. He would’ve known better than to keep me alive. He’d have killed me right away,” said Tony._

_“There will be no last-minute escape,” said T’Challa. “You’re done, Stark. Without your armor, you’re just a man.”_

_“Am I?”_

_He fought off T’Challa, blasting him with lightning. A master never reveals his secrets, and Tony was very secretive. Though the choice to clone Thor was a flawed one, it did have its benefits, lightning at his fingertips, chief among them._

_Lying in place of T’Challa was a Skrull._

_“My money was on Mystique,” he said._

_Tony fought off more Skrulls, until Jennifer came to his aide._

_“Veranke, where is she?”_

_“She’s gone,” said Jennifer._

_“She… She can change into anyone. She’ll vanish,” said Tony._

_“How can we stop this, Tony?”_

_Jennifer was running ahead. They needed to get out before they were ambushed again. Tony wouldn’t be able to use lightning again without incurring serious damage, and she wasn’t going to let him die._

_“I don’t know, Jen,” said Tony. “She spent years making sure all we wanted to do was tear out each other’s throats. And well, she got her wish. Our world was one big pile of dynamite, and she just blew it up.”_

_He was running out of options. And he couldn’t connect to his armor, for they were too deep underground._

_“I need to go back, Tony. I must get Veranke. I can’t let her escape,” said Jennifer. “Veranke has to face justice, for Miriam, and for everyone else.”_

_“You know, she won’t be alone. You want to take that on…alone?”_

_“This… This is what we used to do,” said Jennifer._

_Tony pulled her into a kiss. “You’re magnificent,” he said._

_She reached for his hand and caressed it. They were running out of time._

_“You need to do whatever it takes to end this. Promise me, Tony. Promise me, you’ll do whatever it takes.”_

_“I promise,” said Tony, as he called for the armor. She watched it envelop him as he took to the skies._

Tony and Steve collided in midair. Steve had been tossed into the sky and had crashed into him.

“President Stark,” said Steve. “Step away.”

“No, I’ve got this! Bring me Colonel Barnes and Emma Frost. Right now! That all I need from you, but we’re running out of time,” said Tony. He didn’t want to fight Steve, not anymore. They had been fighting for six years. Enough was enough.

Steve didn’t get the memo. He hadn’t seen what Tony saw in The Divide. He hadn’t seen it with his own eyes. 

“Goddammit, Steve. I would surrender right now if you’d only listen! But it wouldn’t work. And you’d never surrender to me,” said Tony.

“Not in this life, Stark,” said Steve, shield in hand.

“What are you doing Stark?” Emma walked toward them. “You’ve captured the enemy’s leader. Have we won?”

“Steve’s not the enemy, Ms. Frost” said Tony, turning to face her.

She wasn’t alone, Bucky and Carol were walking behind her. Bucky stopped mere feet from him.

“He’s the enemy,” said Tony, as he raised his repulsor.

“Show them! Jennifer Walters told me everything. Show them, and I’ll let you live!”

“Tony,” said Bucky, raising his hands. “You need to calm down.”

Tony blasted him.

“No… It can’t be,” heard Tony, from behind.

“A Skrull, Emma. A shape-shifting alien. They’ve been manipulating us years, for almost the entire war. Their Empress, Veranke, has been keeping tensions high.”

“You expect me to believe that?” Steve was incredulous. “This all seems incredibly convenient. I know what you’re capable of…”

“I’m not saying I’m blameless, Steve.” Tony cut him off.

“Ms. Frost,” said Tony, looking to Emma. “You’re the most talented telepath. Reach into my mind and show him what I saw.”

“Oh God… All this time, she’s been in The Divide?”

Tony nodded.

“She’ll try to escape,” said Steve.

“Jennifer’s down there. She went after Veranke.”

“You know we can’t wait for her,” said Steve. He sympathized. He knew how much Jennifer meant to Tony, and he knew what he was suggesting.

The bomb was deep in The Divide, he couldn’t set it off from here.

“Guess I’ll have to go down there.”

“I guess we will,” said Tony.

They shared a look. They both knew this would be their last mission. There would be no coming back. Success demanded they stay within the blast radius, and from that distance, there would be no survivors.

“How could we be so blind?”

“We let them make us kings,” said Tony, as they flew into The Divide.

They landed beside the bomb, and Steve noticed a crack.

“Don’t worry, I can fix that,” said Tony. He knelt in place.

“Skrulls,” said Steve, as they approached.

“I need you to keep them off me,” said Tony.

He had made many bombs in his life. One had almost killed him. It seemed so long ago, as if it had happened in a different life.

“Fucking hurry,” said Steve. He was fighting several Skrulls at once, but they were closing in on him and Tony. Soon, they were surrounded.

“They need to know,” said Steve.

“Emma can do it. The same way she showed you, she can show all of them. Your side is too well guarded against telepathic attacks. You’d have to give her access to your mental network. Can you do that?”

“She could put us all to sleep!”

“Well, that’s the risk you’re going to have to take. Ask yourself, whose side am I really on?”

As Emma explained to all who would listen, Tony finished working on the bomb.

“I don’t see how we blow it without…”

“That’s why we’re both here, isn’t it?”

“Skulls… It’s unbelievable,” said Steve.

“No, what’s unbelievable… All those people we let die, Steve… I’m not sure the Skrulls are the bad guys in this scenario,” said Tony.

“Look at them all,” said Steve. He had his finger on the trigger. The Skrulls surrounded them. There was no getting out of this. He turned to face Tony. There was much that would be left unsaid. In another time, in another place… Perhaps, it could’ve been different.

“Beautiful,” said Steve.

Tony let the tears fall. They had wasted so much time.

In the end, Steve looked at him when he said, “Heroes, every damn one.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on [Tumblr](https://viudanegraaa.tumblr.com/).


End file.
